Today, I Did...

Today is the day! Or... Almost. I want to work hard to be more productive, but I've been hyperfocusing so hard on my website! How to fix this...?

Combine the two! Me and my sister are going to write down what we want to do the next day, then at the end of the day, add a blog post explaining what we did and what happened. A log of some sort, but cute, because website.

If this ends up working for me, I'll add logs in 30-day increments - which means a new webpage for each log! Which also means a lot of work maybe, but I have fun. Or maybe I'll just reuse the same themes and colour schemes... Who knows. :) I have high hopes for myself though. With that said, tomorrow, Sunday, will be the first log entry. Then... 29 more to go after that!

Ah! Wait, you say! What is the plan for tomorrow then? Thank you for asking and keeping me accountable. :)

Tomorrow, I want to...

1. Bible Study meet!
2. Try to write a whole chapter of CCC! Panda must keep me accountable...
3. Edit Panda's flash fiction.

Considering I had stayed up 'till 4 the previous night, I'm surprised I got up for church....

I had a fine time at church. I planned on going to a study meet with a friend but we are in different timezones so we kept missing each other...

Anyway...I edited Panda's story! She's quite happy with it and we will post it on Tumblr tomorrow.

Not too much writing done... But that's okay. I'll grow this habit somehow. Just a few words are all I need to build it up.

Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish...

1. Laetitia
2. Write more of chapter and think about article outline
3. Add tasks to task manager.

Fffffuuuuuuu.... So tired. Accidentally staying up until 5 AM and I didn't even do much... I ended up spending most of my night working on sorting through old clothes to sell. Didn't expect to be doing that. And the rest of my day (since I woke up super late) was mostly spend on jiu-jitsu... Oh well...

I did work some on my website though! I feel happy enough about that. I'm gonna add some more cards before hitting the hay.

Also FUCK I just realized that I never messaged Laetitia!!! Maybe I should do that instead... Idk...

Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish...

1. Laetitia, but actually do it this time.
2. Finish sorting through clothes and washing them.
3. Add tasks to task manager.
4. Write. Write. Write. WRITE!!!!

I got a lot of washing of clothes done today. I'm going to message Lae before bed.

Otherwise, though... Went to chiropractor. That was nice. He never answers my questions in a direct way but gives me a supportive Biblical monologue -- which is nice and it's nice to hear, but answer the question dude! Why do all these random movements and "button presses" on my skull make my hormones balance? How can you tell that I have low iron just by pressing on my arm slightly? What exactly are you feeling when you wave a hand over my body? Either you're somehow gaslighting my brain into making itself better or you're proforming some sort of real-life magic. Answer my questions!!!!!!!

Anyway. I finally started having daydreams about my story, a little bit. I think that because I see it as a "clinical" or "not-serious(?)" thing, that I just... I'm not "into" it, even though I love the characters. I'm so afraid of sucking and I have so little motivation. I saw a post on Tumblr about someone who's interested in setting up a "writing time/writing buddy" and I think that could help. Most effectively, as a call, but that's a bit... Oh well. I don't know. I also decided that I could write whatever I want. I'm limiting myself by saying "NO! Only CCC!" and yet... I really really want to get that going. I'm such a disaster... I feel like I'm running out of time even though I'm really just beginning. Are we supposed to feel this way?

What else, what else... Ah, I DID finish adding tasks to my task manager. All the major ones, anyway. I should also decide what the "ritual" grouping is for, and maybe organize it further, but so far I'm happy. I won't worry about it until I'm fussing about my website again.

ACTUALLY FRICK. I have all those website updates on the "What's Coming" tab on my front-face!!!! I just now remembered, as I'm writing this. The only one I have set as a task is the hardest one, the webring...

Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish... Not much for tomorrow. I need to clear my head and get to bed as early as possible.

1. Pull down more clothes and sort them.
2. Write something.
3. Do Bible Reading and Soul Bounty cards.

I was so tired yesterday that I couldn't do this! Same goes for my sister... Though I think she's behind more than I am.

We definitely went through all the clothes. I don't know if there's more to accomplish right now, but I'm going away for two days and we'll deal with it when I get back.

I... Did not do my Bible Reading card but I did do Soul Bounty. I need to take some time to do the actual meditation option though. I'll have a chance over the next two days to do so.

Tomorrow and the next day, I shall try to accomplish...

1. Reading Caleb's story.
2. Sell clothes.
3. Finish Elebits game if at all possible.
4. Soul Bounty card and Woven Dream card. Woven Dream for the second day in particular, while Hannah is still at the house.

I had fun on my mini-vacation thing. Sort of - it wasn't a vacation but I did stay over somewhere else, which is always nice. :) Today, I want to focus on cleaning my room... I'm very muchly a disaster.

What did I accomplish though? Not much. We didn't sell anything. Oh well.

I did play Elebits like a ton though hahahahaha. I'm using a game guide and it's been working really well. I love the little creatures, they're so cute and interesting. I didn't get to do the Woven Dream card and I'm thinking that I need to just look up how to crochet on my own. I also didn't get to reading Caleb's story....

I need to do that soon, very soon. I want his story to be good and I'm hoping that it does work out in the end but right now it's tough.

Tonight's edit (weird day!) - I think I underestimated just how much time it would take to sort all those clothes... Tomorrow, I will focus solely on that and fix myself up. I NEED to pull myself together.

Today and tomorrow I will try to accomplish...

1. Rage card.
2. Wheelhouse card.
3. Play Elebits but set up timer so that you don't end up playing too much.
4. And most importantly; eat food I'm starving. Lol.

I accidentally deleted this entry. This is what you get as a filler.

1. Boop.
2. Beep.

I feel bad about skipping every few days. My sister has skipped updating this more than I have, too (though she just doesn't care too much about it)... I will do my best to be better but it's hard. Everything is hard. Do other people have this hard of a time just... Existing? Aughhhh.

Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish...

1. Accomplish Bible Reading and Soul Bounty cards. You can do it!
2. Accomplish reading. Stick your CAS to the fridge.
3. Finish room.

Yeaaaaah, I'm. Very bad at this. Maybe this should be a thing I do when I don't have a schedule set upon me by someone else. But it didn't work out too well then, did it?

Anyway, life's gotten busy. I decided to no longer worry too hard about some things, but now I'm tired because all my attention and energy is being driven towards other, extremely important things that are pretty much... Life-changing.

I also miss my friends so badly... I miss the friends that I'd been with for years before [unmentionable thing] has cut me off. It's been 8+ months and I know that's not like years or anything, but I've always been a lonely person. Charles Spurgeon once said, "Some are touched with melancholy from their birth." That's been me.

I've always had a rebellious, hateful heart. A heart that gets angry, so, so angry and frustrated. Self-awareness is something of a curse sometimes too, because I'd soon as burn myself to the ground when I realize how horrible I usually am.

I'm abrasive, I'm sweet and kind, I'm emotionless, I cry too much, I am so tired, I have too much energy, I'm...

Just a little girl. Who doesn't know who she is. I'm stubborn and too hot in temperment, and I'm too self-aware and yet not self-aware enough when it seems to matter most. I'm far too kind and forgiving of those who are vile, but I hold on to grudges and dissenters like a vice. Can all of this be true of one person? I hope this is just... Something one grows out of.

Tomorrow is a new and better day.

Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish...

1. I'm not gonna write one out and jinx myself lol. Maybe this space will just become a very casual journal thing, for when I have too many thoughts to place in my little hobonichi. It can be whatever I want.

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Tomorrow, I shall try to accomplish...

1. Task and task examples
2. Soul Bounty card
3. Write Gma's Bday card!!